


i was stumbling looking in the dark (with an empty heart)

by nyckolodeo_n



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:25:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5053954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyckolodeo_n/pseuds/nyckolodeo_n
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>His decision is made for him when Ruth opens the hospital room’s door with her phone pressed to her ear and an unimpressed look on her face. Louis gives himself two seconds to be ashamed before she just rolls her eyes and pulls him into the room. She very promptly hangs up her phone – it was probably Paddy, the snitching bastard – and shoves him into the chair closest to Liam’s bed. “He’s not dying. The doctor’s say his migraine is from a combination of lack of sleep and dehydration. I’m going to go call Mum; if he wakes up while I’m gone, tell him I think he’s an idiot.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	i was stumbling looking in the dark (with an empty heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sickly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sickly/gifts).



> this is honestly just my take on how Louis reacted to Liam feeling poorly. i am so sorry for what a mess this is.  
> this is dedicated to my [girlfriend](http://liamspayne.tumblr.com)

Louis can admit that he’s probably freaking out a little bit more than is probably necessary.

He won’t _actually_ admit it, but he can if he decides to.

Because here’s the thing; Liam is _sick,_ and Louis doesn’t know what to do, how to help him. He’s never felt so useless in his life than he does right now. People keep trying to get him to sit, to get him to drink some water, and to “calm the fuck down, Lou, you’re making me nervous.” Niall had half-heartedly thrown a water at the Doncaster man from where his head was pillowed in Harry’s lap, and Louis didn’t have the heart to throw it back. Niall didn’t show it as openly as Louis did, but it was obvious enough to anyone that knew him that he was worried. Harry had shushed him before he said something he didn’t mean and ran his fingers through the blonde’s hair while shooting Louis a knowing and sympathetic smile. Louis had to leave the room.

Anyways, Liam is very suddenly and pretty seriously ill, and Louis is worried, because they wouldn’t let any of the boys ride with Liam to the hospital. The only ones allowed to go were Basil, Paul, and Ruth since she’d been back stage at the time. Liam had flown her out since she wasn’t able to attend the London shows she had wanted to go to, and Louis can’t imagine how she’s handling this and having to play communicator between the security team and the doctors and her family and Liam, himself. As he’s walking down the corridor to his and Liam’s empty dressing room he takes deep, calming breaths, and tries to remind himself that this is just a fit of Liam’s lack of sleep finally catching up to him. Liam’s always worked a bit harder than the rest of them, always had slightly longer hours to pull in the studio and with management. Honestly Louis’ a little surprised it took this long for his condition to get to this point; that doesn’t make him any more okay with it, though.

His breathing is starting to get shallow again, so he speeds up his walk and practically falls into his and Liam’s open room where he slams the door shut. Hands braced against the door he takes in several deep breaths, and his forehead resting against the faux wood of the door, Louis forces himself to even his breathing. He knows he’s completely overreacting, _he_ _knows that_ , but Liam… Liam is special. Louis and Liam have been Louis&Liam for years now, so it’s going to take a lot more than barely encouraging words to make him feel better. He blindly makes his way to the couch, picking up Liam’s hoody on the way, and he curls himself into a ball. He squeezes his eyes shut, and tries to get himself to just relax.

Back when they first got together as a band, and Liam had told them all about his kidney, Louis did everything he could to keep him from getting sick. He would always make sure he was bundled up in the winter time and that he stayed hydrated when they had long rehearsal days or did a lot of physically draining exercises. When Liam’s kidney had suddenly reappeared, Louis couldn’t help but carry on the same behaviors. He wasn’t always successful, obviously; everyone has to get sick sooner or later, it’s a way of life, but it didn’t stop Louis’ worries. When they went from Louis and Liam to Louis&Liam, well… Liam didn’t stand a chance at escaping Louis’ mother hen instincts. They aren’t his greatest moments, but when you care about someone that isn’t really something you think about at the time.

He must doze off for a little while, because Paddy’s shaking him and telling him to “bloody wake up if you want to see your boyfriend, Tomlinson.” Louis’ up in an instant, pulling his shoes on and his hoody more tightly around himself. It isn’t really that cold yet in Belfast, Louis just doesn’t want to part with his favorite one of Liam’s hoodies. Paddy shuffles him out into a car out the back of the stadium, and distantly, Louis realizes that he’s the only one in there. “Niall and Harry thought it best you see him first. They’ll come ‘round when you later on,” Paddy announces as if he knows what Louis is thinking. After all the time they’ve spent together, it’s honestly not surprising anymore. The car ride feels like it takes two hours, when it probably only takes fifteen minutes. Paddy grabs Louis’ wrist as if he knows the younger boy’s about to jump out of the car, and Louis is grateful; there are cameras everywhere and a few girls that probably were meant to be at the show out front, and Louis allows himself a moment of anger at those trying to disrupt Liam’s rest before the security detail pull him out of the car and push through the crowd with him at the center.

Louis wishes they had gone through the back. He can hear paps shouting at him and the girls asking him for photos and for him to tell them what’s going on with Liam, but he can’t stop; he’s got to get to Liam again. Paddy pulls Louis’ arm to make him walk a little faster through the crowd, and when they get inside they head straight to the elevator and up to the fourth floor. Louis is a ball of energy and anxiety the whole way up, and Paddy barely says, “He’s in room 435,” before Louis’ yanked himself free of his grip, and bolted down the hallway in the right direction. Paddy mumbles something, probably explicit, under his breath, but Louis ignores it He can feel the nurses and doctors staring at him, but he doesn’t really care at this point, so he moves on. When he finally gets to the right room he stops, not sure what to do. After all this worrying and fretting and finally getting where he needs to be, he’s frozen.

His decision is made for him when Ruth opens the hospital room’s door with her phone pressed to her ear and an unimpressed look on her face. Louis gives himself two seconds to be ashamed before she just rolls her eyes and pulls him into the room. She very promptly hangs up her phone – it was probably Paddy, the snitching bastard – and shoves him into the chair closest to Liam’s bed. “He’s not dying. The doctor’s say his migraine is from a combination of lack of sleep and dehydration. I’m going to go call Mum; if he wakes up while I’m gone, tell him I think he’s an idiot.” She promptly walks out the door, leaving Louis to stare at the closed door for a few minutes before he refocuses his attention on Liam, who looks pale on the too white hospital bed in the too pale room.

He latches onto Liam’s right hand with both of his, and releases a shuddering breath. He remembers doing this the first time Liam got really sick after his kidney came back. He can visualize Zayn sitting in the window sill with an unlit cig between his lips, Harry and Niall piled on top of one another in another visitor’s chair while Liam’s mum fretted around them and made sure they were all taking care of themselves. Louis rubs his thumb over Liam’s knuckle repeatedly, a gesture to remind himself that Liam is still there and he’s going to be fine. He starts to hum _Home_ under his breathe, memories of late night writing sessions coming to the forefront of his mind.. He zones out for quite a while, thinking about whether or not he’s going to rip Liam a new one or dote on him until he’s feeling one-hundred percent Liam again.

He doesn’t notice when Liam first wakes up. He’s on his third loop of _their_ song, singing the actual lyrics instead of humming now, when Liam shifts in bed just the slightest. He’s on the last sing through of the chorus when Liam joins in, startling Louis out of his daze, _“You will never feel like you’re alone / I’ll make this feel like home.”_ Louis’ head shoots up, and he practically throws himself on top of the other man, though he probably shouldn’t. Liam just laughs at him and wraps his arms around Louis’ waist, burying his head in the shorter man’s hair. Louis doesn’t realize he’s got tears running down his face until Liam pulls back and wipes at the older man’s face with his thumb. “Lou. C’mon, babe, open your eyes for me. There we go, there are those baby blues I love.” Liam’s grinning, it’s weak and his eyes are as watery as Louis’ feel, but he’s grinning.

“Liam, you absolute bloody, _idiot._ Are you out of your fucking mind?! Dehydration _and_ sleep deprivation?! You had me worried sick, you moron. Not drinking or sleeping like you’re supposed to be, I thought we got you over this? You promised, Liam, you bloody _promised_ after the last time this happened that you’d try harder, that you’d _listen to your doctors._ I cannot believe you, _Liam._ ” The younger man’s name comes out as a breath more than an actual word, but Liam seems to understand. He pulls Louis as close as they can be, not an inch of space between them where it can be prevented. Louis clings to Liam’s shirt with every ounce of strength he can muster, and Liam holds Louis with his left arm and rubs soothing circles on the latter’s back.

“You know,” Liam says a few minutes later, teasing tone in his voice, “I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be comforting me. I _was_ the sick one between the two of us.” Louis half-heartedly punches at Liam’s shoulder, and gives a wet laugh at Liam’s poor joke. “What’s got you so worked up, Lou?” Louis keeps his face buried in Liam’s chest for just a moment longer before he pulls back and looks the other in the face. There’s an encouraging smile on his boy’s face, and Louis bumps his nose against Liam’s.

“I was so- I was so scared, Li. I thought…” Louis can’t get his words to come out, and he lets out a frustrated huff.

“You thought it was my kidney,” Liam whispers. Louis nods, nose bumping Liam’s with every movement of his head. “Lou–”

“I know it’s pretty dumb, Liam; you haven’t had a problem with your kidney in three years. You’re kidney has been fine, and will continue to be fine, if you would stop drinking Funky Buddha dry, you bloody moron. I just—you’ve never been so suddenly sick like this since when you first got your kidney working again, and I—I just… what if it had malfunctioned again or something worse happened and…what if I’d _lost you_ , Li.” He’s crying again, can feel the tears on his face, but Liam doesn’t move away, just pulls Louis’ head back down to his chest and lets him cry and threaten him for being a bloody fucking idiot, and doesn’t question any of it.

“You’re never gonna lose me, Lou.” Liam whispers into the shorter boy's hair, maybe an hour later, when Louis’ just about to doze off. “You’re my home.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr!](http://acestylan.tumblr.com)  
> title inspiration _Home_ by One Direction


End file.
